Forgiveness

As a child, none of us knew what hatred is and we don't know what pain feels like. If someone takes something from us, we forgive and forget within minutes. We were truly the embodiment of innocence.

As we are older now, we are critical of others, envious, certain personality types trigger negative thoughts and emotions and overall we have become bitter beings. People have hurt us in the form of abusive and/or neglectful parenthood, bad relationships, dying friendships, family disputes, bullying and even molestation and rape. Forgiving the perpetrators seem almost impossible to do.  It's like hitting a brick wall. It just won't happen. They've taken a part of us that is so precious. They took fragments of our souls.

I am no different. I never like my cousin's picture. At the extreme, I watch the man that touched me at age 11 being thrown into hell.

This page isn't going to be about forgiving people that have done too much damage. This page is only going to be about forgiving the cousin or the elementary friend that bruised our egos. Forgiveness is a hard process and baby steps is necessary on order to take on the harder challenges. I may never be able to forgive that man as victims of molestation may never be able to theirs but little is surely better than nothing.

This is about people we didn't get along with. Let's begin with my story. I was a sheltered girl, daughter to a religious father who wasn't allowed to hang out with the opposite sex or even girls of different faiths and cultures. I had grown up in the west but felt as if I belonged nowhere. I hadn't even ordered at a fast food restaurant properly at the age of 17 and people did scare me. I went to visit my aunt and my older cousin in LA during the summer. Instantly this Californian chick with tattoos who was completely raised differently made me uncomfortable especially being deeply religious at that age (I'm an appostate now). She treated me as if I wasn't good enough, paid little attention to me, and often said bitchy little things that would cause me to cry in private. This was supposed to be the older sister I never had, my other half, someone I could depend on throughout my life as a guide. My dreams shattered.

I eventually returned to Canada and I developed this personification of my cousin and even other members of my extended family(I had other reasons) as classist, stuck up, shallow and uncultured. Was this a form of me being over critical? Yes, it is. What I'm doing is projecting forth anger because I assumed that I have gotten rejected for my own insecurities. While she may not have liked me much because I was religious, a little too shy and perhaps 'uncool' by Western standards (due to my carefully sheltered childhood), her behaviour may have nothing to do with me.

Was she a good person for treating me that way? Of course not, but the reason why we weren't close could be entirely different. She may have felt depressed over her ended relationship, fueds with friends and well her wrong choices when it came to her education. Maybe, she wasn't entirely able let me in her life especially while dealing with those internal conflicts.

Another reason we could have clashed was the fact that the way we were raised was completely different. While I was painfully sheltered and yet was instilled some cultural values, she was baby sat all her life. She had rebellious friends in high school, teachers that lusted after her (mentioned in conversation) and she wasn't familiar with attitude exuding excess kindness like I was due to living in Toronto, one of the best cities in one of the most peaceful countries in the world. My point is she had to be tough and prove herself initially so a fragile shy damsel in distress like myself who might even judge her for her wild life style wasn't much of her liking.

Maybe if that justification of the clash between the older sister I never had doesn't sound legitimate,  then perhaps maybe I triggered an aspect of her shadow self she wanted nicely hidden? Maybe a girl who prayed had belittled her at some point of her life. Maybe a demure girl had stolen her boyfriend or friend? The possibilities are endless. What matters is initially she's not an evil person. We just didn't get along. Now it's up to me to neutralize the way I would feel about a person that reminds me of her or of traits that I may think is hers.

What you should do is imagine a picnic table late at night and two pathways ahead. You and her/him are sitting on the picnic table. Then you tell the other person your feelings towards them. You can end it with them apologizing and then telling them: "It was nice to meet you, but we just didn't click. I hope you have a good life but we must simply go our own paths." Then walk on different paths. And that's it.

There are countless possibilities of the reason why we didn't get along with a specific person or why they didn't like us. There are subconscious reasons, there are difficult times they might be going through, wrong time for you two to be together and maybe plain ignorance. Remember we are all wounded beings. It's just that some are more than others and less aware about it. Don't expect too much and put people on a pedestal just to chain them to the depths of hell afterwards. See them for what they really are and release the negative energy that is holding you back from being whole,  in harmony with those around you, and in a state of allowance. Once you're in a state of resistance like exuding hatred, your reality is likely to mirror these exact emotions even if in some cases the emotions might not be appropriate.