You may ask, how do some people know whether they are suffering from 'Soul loss' and how far they have to go to retrieve their fragmented self. Being more of a shamanic concept, it is an issue that most people of our time need healing from.
I shall give you a glimpse of my life to get a little more personal. I have been through my worst share of pain. I will say it right away that I am sure there have been tons of people that have been through much worse today and through out the ages, but did I go through instances where I did lose aspects of my being? I have, like to some degree all of you that are reading this today.
I have been through a time when my Father's memories were so hollow that he didn't remain to be more than a concept. Even though I did lose him not too long ago at the age of fifteen(I am nineteen writing this). I shall give myself credit for having a wonderful talent which I will call dissociation. It was my mind's way of coping with the painful memories I wasn't yet ready to face.
I would spend time, working hard attaining good grades, finding knowledge in the internet and far more than most kids my age, daydreaming and building a world of my own. Social situations would often scare me and in groups, I would feel inferior to everyone present. I would feel an odd disconnection to even my friends and family members. But in my own world, I'd make myself out to be the idealistic version of myself. I'd immediately switch out of a foul mood. And in order to make myself feel better, I'd tell myself all the exaggerations there is. And perhaps much of it was excessive pride that would fade away in a few minutes. But I would cover up my feelings with a bunch of new ones very well.
"I probably will end up like this(insert something nice) because I am good at this or I did this already" so "this shall be a success." I was always waiting for something, chasing after something that in my mind made me feel like could bring me happiness. I avoided the sadness and chased after the opposite. I was climbing the ladder but was never able to reach the top. Social Anxiety, sadness, insecurities were everything that was covered up. I was in a dream like state and I could certainly say that I had existential depression. I felt like there was no purpose on living and even if I get something I want, that happiness is not everlasting. But I can't look the other direction either and face my demons either. It's like being a ghost where letting go of your earthly form is just as tough as entering the realm you're supposed to break free to.
Many are in this zombie state. You're just monotone beings that don't know where to look. We're lost souls. I hit eighteen and this was when I finally started going to university. It was a new life and I had more the freedom that I ever did in my life. As a sheltered girl growing up, this was the ideal state to be in. That was what I always wanted. In some ways, I should have been happy. A part of me loved this freedom. I even overindulged in it. But there was a part of me that still felt lost; still felt empty.
Then watching spiritual teachers like Teal Swan, I've learned that self-awareness was the answer. So every time I'd have any negative emotion, I'll think of the last time I've felt this way and the first time I felt this way. I'd notice my patterns and put myself in difficult situations such as this. If I felt like going a step further, I'd imagine my current self helping my inner child self during the very first time she ever felt this way. I'd ask myself why I don't speak up in certain situations, and ask "What would happen if I had..."
Since then, I've realized that I've learned to connect to people at levels I never was able to before, I'm much more honest with people regarding my feelings, and I'm able to let go and have fun once in a while. I can express myself in levels I wasn't able to before.
Once you've been doing this for a long time, you'll be flooded with even more memories and certain aspects of memory lane won't seem vague anymore. Once they do come, there will be instances of intense depression and suicidal thoughts taking place. But I guarantee you that this process is important and will be the first step to what the Buddhists call nirvana. A state where your mind is in a complete state of peace.
You should do this immediately if you go between states of excessive pride and feeling extremely insecure. If you feel as if you are never fulfilled, you get anxiety, you're too indulgent(food, sex, drugs, material goods), or you're too dependent on someone else for your emotional needs, you're suffering from 'soul loss.'
These videos would aid you in this process.
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